I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
