This show inspires me to have sex in space
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
