We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
