We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
time to smoke my breakfast
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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