I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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