maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize