my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
