Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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