A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
