I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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