Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize