now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
