dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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