i permit you to call me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
