i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize