im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
