I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize