New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
