I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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