i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
