Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
