im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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