Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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