I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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