you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He passed out mid-signature
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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