guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
