Got a toothbrush?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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