All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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