I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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