someone get that fucking seahorse.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize