i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
