She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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