nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
