Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
