where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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