dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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