I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
