I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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