Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
