you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
