On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
