Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
