Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
