I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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