my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize