Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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