ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize