on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
