I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
