god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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