You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
