then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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