Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
