dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
