don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My balls are so social today.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
