So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
