There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
