and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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