i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
