last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize