dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
