hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
