I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize