It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
