it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
