Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
