Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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