I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My bed smells like the plague
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
