During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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