I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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