All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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