The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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