i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Houston, we have a squirter
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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