The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
