I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
