Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
3pm strippers are depressing
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize