Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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