dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
